Friday, September 2, 2011

I Think I'm Gonna Like It

On Wednesday, my kids start preschool for the year.

As in ALL of my kids. All four of them.

They'll be there three days a week making messes, playing on the playground, learning letters and numbers, and making new friends. They're ready to begin, I know they are. They're excited. I know not one of them will shed a single tear when I drop them off on Wednesday morning. They'll run into their respective rooms with their too-big backpacks threatening to tip them over backwards if they lean back just a bit too far. They'll dive into the first set of blocks or crayons that they come into contact with. They'll barely look at me as I shout my "Goodbyes!" and "See you later alligators!"

Yeah, they're ready.

It's me I'm worried about.

I'm afraid I'm going to be the one with tears, the one who doesn't want to go. The one who wants just one more hug. The one who wants to dawdle in the hall for just one more minute before saying goodbye.

It's not like I've never left my kids before. The triplets were in preschool last year, so it's not even the first year for having them in school. But now that Luke is joining them, it means that it's just me and ... ME. Me and nine hours a week of solitude. Don't get me wrong, that sounds (and I'm sure will feel) glorious, but it also marks an end. An end to babyness in our house. An end to anyone in my family relying on me totally, wholeheartedly, and completely every minute of the day. A beginning of independence that I'm not sure I'm ready to embrace.

So I may spend Wednesday morning wondering what to do with the solitude and quiet. What to do with the minutes that are normally spent tying shoes, mediating conflicts, and pouring countless cups of juice. What to do with this newfound freedom of responsibility.

And then I'm planning on taking a nice slow trip to Target and the grocery store where I get to walk down every. freakin'. aisle. just because I can. I'm going to read nutrition labels and look at camping supplies. Not because we need them (I have no desire to camp, believe me), but because I CAN! I'm going to enjoy this time and recharge my batteries so that when those four little pistols come flying into my legs at 12:01pm, they'll have a happy and rested mom who is ready to go.

And then we'll have a dance party in the kitchen when we get home.

Yeah, I think I'm gonna like this year.