Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Floaters (or Meadow Muffins for the socially refined)

Ok, I'm going to open a can of worms here, so be prepared. For those of you who have read this blog for a little while, you know I'm not afraid to broach the bodily fluid, modesty withholding topics. Please see my previous blog HERE for an example. Anyway, the title of this blog may give you a little hint of what I'm going to talk about today. Again, I am warning you that if you don't like to hear about things that come out of a baby's body (quite too regularly in my opinon, I might add), then STOP READING HERE!

Let me just start by saying that I had NO idea how much a little baby can, ahem, "eliminate" from his body from the day he is born. Holy goodness I remember thinking, "How did so much of THAT come out of something so tiny? He must have just lost half his body weight!". Needless to say, I guess that's why the Pee-pee Tee Pee sells so well (now if they could just invent a similar product for numero dos!). As any mom knows, after those first couple months (and the introduction of solid food), the little one's bodily functions get a little more under control and more manageable. Most moms were excited about introducing solids to their baby because it was a big step in their development. Sure, I was happy about that too, but I was REALLY excited when I saw that it meant that it firmed up those little "nuggets of happiness" that were deposited just for me on a now less regular basis. Again, I'm sorry if I am grossing you out, I'm leaning heavily on the euphemisms to try and avoid complete repulsion on your behalf.

This somewhat extensive (and not really relevant) back story is all leading up to one of my biggest fears ... the floater. I remember when we finally started putting the triplets in a bathtub together. It was a big step and a little treacherous with 3 wet, wriggly babies together in a tub. But, rather than being scared about one of them falling over or something like that, I was terrified to think what would happen if one of them decided to deposit a couple floaters in the tub. What do you do? I mean, it seems extremely unsanitary and babies put EVERYTHING into their mouths ... see where I'm going? I was always on constant poop patrol when we bathed the trips because I was so afraid.

I wish I could tell you that my fears were unfounded and that I was worried for nothing, but that would be a straight up lie. After a couple months of poop patrol, my heightened sense of awareness started to wane. And then, BAM!, we were hit with it out of nowhere. I was reaching for the soap and when I looked back in the tub, there it was, floating in all it's glory. Fortunately it was still "in tact" and in one piece, so I didn't have to worry about the rapid spreading effect. All I remember is yelling, "Oh crap!" (no pun intended) to my husband who was in the other room. Instinctively, he seemed to know what it was and came flying into the bathroom. Five seconds later we had 3 soaking wet babies sitting on the bathroom floor crying after being plucked from their warm bath.

We spent the next couple minutes drying them off and deciding what to do while staring at those long feared meadow muffins bobbing aimlessly in the tub (side note: I just looked up synonyms for poop on Thesaurus.com and meadow muffin was seriously one of the options). We finally decided that the only option was to drain the tub, remove the offending muffins, and bleach the tub and all the bath toys. This sounded like a good idea at first but it ended up being more work than we bargained for. After our induction into the floaters club (members only), the trips made sure to keep us on our toes with some sneak attacks here and there to be sure we weren't letting our guard down. It was a glorious day once they got old enough to not have to worry about our precious little muffins popping up anymore.

Just to be sure we hadn't forgotten them, we had our first run-in in a long time with Mr. McNugget yesterday night. This time it wasn't one of the triplets, Luke decided to become a member of the Muffin of the Month club and donate his earnings to the bathtub. I'm proud to report that I handled his initiation much more smoothly than my first, and he was out of the tub in a flash with the water being drained in a matter of seconds. And, as every mom is with her second, third, or fourth child, I wasn't as insistent on the bleach. Oh sure, we drained the tub and cleaned it up a bit, but then the water was back on and he was back in the tub in a matter of minutes. Crisis averted and clean enough for me. Hopefully he won't have any more of these incidents, but, if he does, I am now confident that the wrath of the meadow muffin will not consume me and I will handle it like the seasoned veteran that I now am.

Luke, post-initiation ceremony. Don't worry, we cleaned the bath toy he is holding (I think ...).

PS - If this post has not totally grossed you out and you are looking for some visual accompaniment, check out this super funny video on the same topic HERE at DadLabs.com. 

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