1. Do not let your kids dupe you into going into Target to "look" at the toys. They will want them. All of them. And they will break their promise that they will not cry when it's time to leave.
2. It is really annoying to have little kids that do not yet realize that it's ok to pee in the ocean if you really have to go. Next time I'm bringing the portable potty to the beach instead of making 37 round trips from the ocean to the bathroom.
3. It's time to start letting your husband have exclusive control of bath time when your sons start using their you-know-whats as enemy war missiles in the tub.
4. The no-eating-food-off-the-floor rule only encourages your kids to find every stray morsel of food they can on the ground. And they always wait until you are watching before they shove it into their mouths.
5. DO NOT videotape your husband in the shower with his daughters. You may think it's cute but others may get the wrong idea.
*Don't worry, he was just teaching/showing the girls how to take a shower since they've been asking to take them ... and he had his bathing suit on!
6. If you put the word "cheesy" in front of any food item (cheesy pasta, cheesy broccoli, cheesy hamburger, etc.) your kids are 300% more likely to eat it.
7. If you get nostalgic in the grocery store and buy a package of oatmeal cream pies for your kids, you're really just guaranteeing that you'll add the calories from that package of oatmeal cream pies to your own inner thighs.
8. Sixteen ounces of coffee only counts as one cup as long as it all fits in to one mug. My mug is at least 24 ounces.
9. Cease self-demonstrations of how to properly slide on a slip-n-slide prior to reaching your 30's. Your body and ego will thank you.
10. Mud puddles give off inaudible high-pitched beckoning noises to all children under five years old. Be prepared.