Today's Lessons, Vol. 1

1. Do not mention or talk about Disney World with your children unless you already have a trip planned to go there in the very near future (this is 2 weeks or less for preschoolers). I have made the mistake of talking up a Disney trip that isn't even planned yet and I am paying for it every second of every day.

2. When there is a puddle in front of the toilet, do not smell it to make sure it is pee. It's a puddle. In front of the toilet. It's pee.

3. When your kids won't eat something, chop it up, put it between two tortillas, and call it a quesadilla.

4. Boys can scream just as loud and as high-pitched as girls when there is a spider in their car seat.

5. Buy washable dry erase markers if you do not intend to directly supervise your children while they are using them.

           5A. Green dry erase marker dots on a child's leg do not come off
                  after scrubbing them in the bath.

6. Eating two oatmeal raisin cookies for lunch is healthy because it covers three of the five major food groups (butter = dairy, raisins = fruit, oatmeal = grains, me = happy).

7. You have ordered too many things online when your kids line up at the door at 4 o'clock every afternoon to wait for the UPS truck to come down the street.

8. Around age four is when kids start noticing that YOU don't have to eat all of the vegetables on your plate to get a dessert ...

9. The month before school starts is an eternity. The month before school ends lasts barely more than a moment.

10. You do not need to be embarrassed when your son is the only boy in his class that had a purple shirt in his closet to wear to Purple Day at school. Real men (and annoying dinosaurs) wear purple.