I have something that's bothered me a bit for the last couple of years.
It's not really a big deal. I almost feel silly for bringing it up when there are much more important things to care about. But it's a pet peeve and you know how those work. They gnaw at you and poke you in the side so you are just slightly annoyed by them every time they happen. My biggest driving pet peeve is people who try and pass others on the right. Cant. Stand. It. I am that person that purposely speeds up so that you can't pass me on the right. Just stay in your lane and I will kindly get over to let you pass!!!
Now that I'm sufficiently worked up, here's my pet peeve: I cannot stand it when children call adults by their first names. I think it's inappropriate and it makes me feel weird to be addressed by my first name in a teeny tiny 3 year old voice. And placing a "Mrs." or a "Mr." in front of a first name doesn't make it any better. Calling me "Mrs. Joanne" is really not that much better than addressing me by solely my first name. If I could, I'd have my kids call all adults by their proper salutation and LAST name. I did this growing up and it wasn't too hard. Why is it so hard to continue that with this generation of kids?
It's hard to address this pet peeve because many times adults will introduce themselves to my children with their first name. I cringe every time it happens. But if the adult wants to be called that, who am I to say otherwise? I feel inappropriate saying, "I'm sorry, we only address adults by last names. Can she call you Mrs. Smith instead?" So I usually just grin and bear it. Whenever we meet an adult to whom I am introducing my kids, I always make sure to introduce them with their last name. I just feel it's common courtesy to address adults this way.
What do you think? Am I being old-fashioned to require this of my kids? Should I be more bold and tell other adults that introduce themselves with their first name that our family only uses last names to address adults? And what do I do if someone introduces me to their child as "Mrs. Joanne?" Is it rude to correct them and say I prefer to go by my last name? I'd love to hear what other think about this.
Happy Voting!
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First, since I've never commented on here, I have to say I love reading your blog and seeing the pics of you're beautiful little ones.
ReplyDeleteThe topic today is near and dear to my heart. I grew up addressing adults by the last name as well. I expect the same from my kids and my kids friends. If their friends call me by my first name then I gently correct them and tell them I'd appreciate it if you would call me Mrs. Miller. If someone introduces them by their first name to our kids, I tell my kids (in front of the adult) that I would like them to call the person Mr. or Mrs. whatever. I'll ask the other adult their last name if I have to. I try to do it nicely and explain to the other person that I'm trying to instill manners in the kids. I've never had a problem addressing it that way. The problem I have is with other kids not getting that they don't call me by my first name. I had to sit a 10 year old down once and explain it to her. Bottom line, you are not my friend, you are my kids friends. I'm the adult and you will respect me as such.
Dang - this little rant makes me sound old doesn't it? Wait..I am old.
Thanks Laraine. This is what I wish I would have the courage to say most of the time. Sometimes I get worried that if someone introduces me to their child as Mrs. Joanne and then I say that I prefer to go by XXX, then it will offend the other parent. Almost like I'm saying, "No, I don't like the way you tell your child to address adults and my way of doing it is better." I know this is probably reading waaaaay too far into things, but I'm one of those annoying people who sometimes cares too much about what others are thinking (I'm working on that!).
ReplyDeleteThanks for your comment!
You're after my own heart when it comes to calling adults by their first names. Matt and Meghann always did and I think still do. Stick to your guns, although if the kiddos start calling me Mr. Bogey I'm going to start to worry.:)
ReplyDeleteYou have no hope, Boge-ster.
ReplyDeleteI think that this is a huge culture issue, I come from a cross-culture family and I have seen it play out differently in many different cultures. When I was younger, my mom one time insructed me to call one of my friend's moms Mrs. Last name instead of Mrs.First name like I normally did, and my friend's mom immedeatly corrected me saying that she felt it was way too formal and almost a bit cold/rude. I think that you should encourage your kids to do whatever you want,but if an adult likes it another way let them address them in that manner as it may feel more uncomforable to the adult for them to do it your way. Keep in mind, that some other children may be trained to do Mrs.First name (or I have even seen kids say Auntie First name, wether they are related or not). As long as the kids are polite and behave, I think we just have to learn that different cultures call for different salutations.
ReplyDeleteGood points. I usually introduce them to an adult with the last name, but if the adult corrects me to use their first name instead, I usually give in.
DeleteI came across your blog through Michele S at Four Times the Fun.
ReplyDeleteThis is also a subject that was important to me. Our kids are grown and out of the house now and most of their friends still call us by Mr. and Mrs. Last Name. I have started gradually saying to them "feel free to call me Heidi..." but I love that they continued with the "Mrs." until I suggested otherwise.
When my kids were little, I always told them to use Mrs. Last Name for other parents; but I usually did it outside of the other parent's hearing (NOT disparaging those who do it in front of the other parent, I think I just never thought of it.) As far as other kids addressing you; it often worked for me to head the parent off at the pass and introduce myself first "Hi...I'm Mrs. W...Kayla's mom." If the other parent doesn't take the hint then; they probably never will.
I am enjoying your blog a great deal. Beautiful family.
Thanks for the kind comments. I'm glad you like the blog!
DeleteI grew up with very strict rules about using manners and calling adults by their proper names. Two close friends growing up became "Aunt First Name," but other than that, it was always a proper name. But we were also expected to address every adult as ma'am or sir, so it was foreign to me when I had kids how most people use "Miss first name" to address adults. I have caved in a few instances and my children call my closest friends by "Miss first name" but other than that, I pretty much expect them to use the proper name. I think other people think I am a stick in the mud and old fashioned...... Kind of glad to know I am not the only one who feels that way! --jenniferpowell@gmail.com
ReplyDelete