Mooch

I have four kids. Those four little beings sucked the life out of me for 30 months (yes, I'm counting the triplet pregnancy as seven months times three). I've done things like drink whole milk (gag) to gain pregnancy weight and clean up vomit footprints throughout our house just for them. So, I figure I'm due a little compensation, just not of the monetary variety. Let's face it, you know my kids' concept of money is limited when they routinely mistake dollar bills for small scraps of wrapping paper. So I've decided my cash-challenged charges should pay me back in other ways.

Therefore I give you: Ways to Mooch of of Your Children

1. I am responsible for making my kids' food every night. So that means I have to sit there and smell the chicken nuggets and mac 'n cheese with my stomach loudly grumbling during the process. The solution? Mooch. Just toss a few extra nuggets on the tray to heat up and Voila! Kids' dinner becomes my appetizer as well. I figure I'm not getting cash tips, so a few Mickey Mouse nuggets will have to suffice.

2. I hate taking a multivitamin. I don't really know why, but I always forget to take one and it's just not fun to swallow a pill in the morning that is roughly the size of of 2 year old's head. I think my bottle of multivitamins has been sitting on our windowsill for over 4 years. We haven't even LIVED in this house for 4 years. Maybe it was already here when we arrived ...

Anyway ... the solution to choking down the horse pill from H-E-double hockey sticks?? Mooch! That's right, I now get my daily dose of vitamins by stealing the kids gummy vitamins we feed them every morning. Who doesn't like to start the day with a little HAIRBO action, right? The best days are when I draw the red/orange bear combo ...

3. Nourishment. It's something I'm constantly trying to find time for everyday. As most moms know, finding time to eat is a hard task when caring for a gaggle of kids. As soon as you get their lunch ready, the rapid machine gun fire of requests begins:

"Can I have more milk?"
"But I wanted the crusts cut oooooffffffffff!"
"Peyton has my plate!"
"Mommy, someting is floating in my milk."
"But I wanted the crusts onnnnnnnnn!"
"I want more grapes!"
"I want the skin of the apple cut ooooooffffff!"

And so it goes.

So my solution to not getting to eat at normal eating times? You guessed it, mooch. Don't want your crusts? Fine, I'll eat them off for you. Weird thing floating in your milk? Let me get it out for you by drinking the entire glass myself. Skin on your apple? Let me try to get it off with my teeth ... oops, I accidentally ate the whole slice. Hey, you gotta get it when you can. Momma's gotta eat!

4. One thing I have learned with kids is that every single holiday has some sort of candy marketing campaign. And this goes beyond Halloween or Easter ... I'm talking every. single. holiday. So we have to purchase candy in bulk quantities in order to keep up with the holiday of the week. I readily admit to only buying my kids candy that I like so that I can eat it once I give it to them. Heck, sometimes I even buy them candy that I know they don't like so I can be all, "Ohhh, you don't like those cinnamon laced Hot Tamales?? Well I guess I'll just have to get rid of them for you!"

Most of the time I dole the candy out to them and save the rest of it high up in the cabinet for me (hey, what they don't know won't hurt them). But there are definitely times of weakness where I have stolen directly from Easter baskets or Christmas stockings. I know, the shame. I'm just waiting for the day when my candy cabinet is discovered as one of the kids opens it and stares at me in shock as waves of Reece's Pieces, Sour Patch Kids, and Milk Duds come cascading down like a waterfall on his/her head.

So there you go, I'm a mooch. And I'm proud of it. I've gotta get a few benefits out of this deal too. And if that meals a stolen sip of apple juice here and a couple "vitamin-packed" gummy bears there, so be it. I'm sure I can't be the only one who does things like this, right? Please, someone tell me I'm not alone (if so, I may need some professional help)!

And here's a cute picture ... because what's a post without one?